I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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