I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
