Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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