my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
