Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They are going to name an STD after you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
