i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
