You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
