no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
did you get engaged???
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
