Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
