i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
