Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
