somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
