u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
