Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
