hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
