Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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