Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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