Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
