Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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