Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize