at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
