Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
