I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
