Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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