my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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