She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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