Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
