true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
