Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you had me at cake vodka
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
