You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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