i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
