the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
