What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Randomize
