I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
