Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
