My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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