i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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