I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
