i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize