I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you inspire me to be a worse person
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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