and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
