I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
