are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
my liver is dry heaving
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
