i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
