I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize