i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
