I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
