I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
