Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
