does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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