Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There r osticjed everywhere
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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