Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
