Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
