I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
