My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
