i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
