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just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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