i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
