you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
