He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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