Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
