he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
