I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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