Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
