There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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