when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
