How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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