I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
