I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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