Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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