I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
