I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
