All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I want her autograph on my taint
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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