Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
