my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
