Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
