Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize