if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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