people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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