so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
