you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
