I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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