dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
