My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm getting married
To pizza
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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