Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
