Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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