Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Your tits are I can't wait for
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
