I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
