how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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