sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
