That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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