Sry I called you an 8
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
