That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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