Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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