I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
