so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
