no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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