Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
