Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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