8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Princesses don't give blow jobs
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
