R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
