Do you still have your period?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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