oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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