I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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