my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
