Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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