dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
