There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
