Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
