I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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