Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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