just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
