I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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